I will warn you, this post may not be as Warcraft related as you may want, although I am sure you can garner something out of it. It is long (which is not unusual) and a little less positive than most (which is unusual).
So yesterday was my birthday, the big three oh. I mentioned the other day that I was avoiding it sort of because well it's one of those important days in one's life where you cross over into a new segment. You are officially out of your 30's, never again to be called a 20 something. I guess it really isn't as important as it feels (I mean it's only another year) but society sort of makes it more important and I think because of the even number it really makes it even more emphasized.
Anyways, leading up to yesterday I was sorta bummed about the whole number change into a new decade. But yesterday the whole number change wasn't the issue at all. Those of you who have been following me know that I have been working for the last week and yesterday was no exception. In fact, yesterday was my big day for work. My boss had to leave for Denver to work on another show Sunday morning so I was put in charge of the whole design. Now this was what I was hired for so it wasn't just something dumped on my lap but this is the first time in the history of working as this designers assistant that I have had a whole show to finish up. I've done some of the other important segments of other designs solo but not this one. This is a significantly larger task than running a focus or a notes session without him. With 4 days left before opening, this could mean having to make some serious changes to the design.
Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) this show is all wrapped up. The whole show is days ahead of schedule and all but done. If it were say a musical yesterdays rehearsal would have been the first dress rehearsal (and more than likely the first full run with tech) and there would have been tons and tons of notes. Instead, it was the 5th run of the show. I had like one note and that was just a reminder to have a major piece of equipment struck before the run because it was an eyesore. Something that would have happened before opening regardless but I noted it so it would happen sooner rather than later.
Ok that was quite a long back story and I guess maybe it wasn't a big deal for you to know any of it (but too bad, I'm in a let it all out type of mood tonight). Because this show is so far ahead of schedule our rehearsal got out 2 hours early with a return for our first preview (pay what you can audience). I live almost 90 minutes away by mass transit (I choose to not have a car in Boston because I live near the subway, usually this is ok) so going home and coming back is out of the picture because it would be tons of travel for like 15 minutes of home time. But everyone else in the theatre takes off. So I'm sitting in the theatre with a half dead Ipod and nothing else to do for 3.5 hours on my birthday. BLEH! On top of that it's raining so taking a walk to the mall or some farther away restaurant would have been more hassle than it was worth it (oh yeah and it turned into sleet on the way home and the bus took forever so I was waiting in the sleet for like 30 minutes at the end of the night.. AWESOME!)
The show goes well and gets out early. During my long break I asked people on twitter if anyone wanted to join me for a drink in Boston after my preview that evening. I didn't get any responses. I didn't really expect much because well not that many people are from Boston on my Twitter. But this is where it all set in and what caused this lengthy and pointless-to-WoW blog.
So I realized yesterday that I am now 30 and I have NO FRIENDS that live near me. Sure, I have a ton of Twitter friends and some in-game friends but I have zero friends from the Boston area that I can call up and be like "Hey, whatchu doin?" and they be like "Watching the game, having a Bud" and I'm like "Dude, lets go grab a pint; or how about I crash your place and veg and kick your butt at solitaire!" As much as I was trying to avoid my 30th birthday I think I really wanted secretly for someone to throw me some "You're an old fart" birthday bash
So of course this makes me evaluate my life and wonder if maybe being a GM is what is effecting this. We only raid 4 days a week and I do the 10 mans after that. I try to keep myself off the game on weekends but I tend to have nothing to do so I end up there anyways.
So here is the negative side to being a GM.. Life. In the game I am a decent leader. I have many people following me and letting me lead them into "battle" and I deal with the drama and the ups and downs. But it doesn't really do anything for me in the outside world. No one in my guild is from near me and those whom I have met have left the guild for one reason or another. Most people want to stay behind their screens and be anonymous anyways and since I'm GM people wouldn't want to hang out with me. Because leaders, of course, are evil people that will eat your children and hanging out with them will cause you to die of fermentation.
So anyways, after all that typing I have no clue where I was going and I sort of stopped in the middle of a thought and lost it all. All I know is I need to figure something out because this is not where I should be in my life. Sure, I love my job and I love being a GM in a video game but aside from that I do not have love and I don't even have any nearby palpable friends. I thought I had it figured out but how do I manage my want to lead a guild into end-game content, dealing with the day to day operations of the guild, while still having a social life? I know officers is part of the answer but frankly mine aren't very good at some of that stuff and I have yet to find a good fill in (for instance, recruiting). There are times I want to pack it up on Drenden and go somewhere else but i know that 1)no one will follow me, 2)I have to start from scratch which is just as tough as it is now, 3)it won't solve any problems and perhaps will make more, and 4)it will take up more of my time than an established guild does now. Unlike in the business world I can't look for another "CEO" elsewhere. No other guild on any server is going to promote a leader outside of their own group. How do I solve my issues? How do I grow up without quitting the game?
I don't expect you to answer my questions and really I should just delete this post because it's just a frustrated steam blowing bunch of words but I dunno at least I get it out there and I know at least one person will read it and it's out of my head for now. Thanks for reading it and I promise I'll get back to a more coherant and positive World of Warcraft Guild Leader blog post tomorrow (or as I mentioned, possibly not until Wednesday or Thursday).
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